Understand the changing role of step parenting, emotional closeness with stepparents and attachment and bonding with step children.

Changing Role Of Step Parenting

Remarriages are not so simple, particularly when kids are involved. Stepparents are often criticized, for not taking proper care of stepchildren. But it is not always that stepparents are bad. Cinderella had a wicked stepmother, but that doesn't have to be a truth for your family situation if you find out the proper way to bond with your stepchildren. Some people bond easily, however, some takes time to forge relationships. Whatever is your approach towards the situation, it will affect your personality as well as the personalities of the children involved. Perhaps the best approach is to never quit on nurturing a good bond. Bonding with stepchildren is very much possible, despite how hard it may seem at first.

Give Time and Have Patience
No matter how worse the situation is, don't place yourself as a replacement for the missing parent, even though that parent is no longer alive. If you'll try to become mummy or daddy, you'll be a failure. First of all, kids would like to see and feel you as a person, before developing any kind of emotional bond with you. Regardless of how good or bad the situation may seem to be going, ensure to not rush the children. Don't thrust the children towards anything, they seem unwilling to. Patience is the only key to handle such situation, as kids might mourn for the gone parent. Settling themselves with a new parent will require time.

Make Plan of Action With Your Spouse
Before getting remarried, it's better to make a plan of action. The couple should know disciplinary values of each other and should abide by them. With your actions, the children would come to know that even though you are not their natural parent, you're following the rules as they have always been. Probably it will be better to keep things just the same without introducing any new rules, in the initial phase.

Respect Your Stepchildren
No one likes to be disregarded. If you want to be respected by your stepchildren, you should also respect them in the best possible manner. Notwithstanding what you think of the gone mother or father, you should never badmouth the kids in any case. Treat them with dignity and put your needs following those of the children. Consider that you're better prepared to deal with conflict and varying emotions, however, kids are just learning to adapt to the world.

Treat Stepchildren As Your Own Children
Without realizing, one major mistake that some stepparents make is treating their own children better than they treat their stepchildren. Every kid wants and deserves the same love and respect as the other. Though it is difficult at first, it is essential to think about each person and his/her feelings. Any child, who is treated in a different way than his/her stepsiblings, can cause bitterness with them for the rest of their lives. If a baby is born to the new couple, the existing children should be included into the process to the best possible extent. While referring to the new baby, use the terms 'brother' and 'sister' so that everybody feels they sharing the same position.

Share Special Times / Holidays
No one wants to have a bad repute and the same goes for stepparents too. It's difficult for anyone to develop a parental relationship. Talk to your stepchildren like friends do. Spend time with them by doing some fun stuff or playing games. By doing this, children would observe you as a real person, not someone who moved into their lives and altered everything. With enthusiasm, come up with new rituals involving your stepchildren and abide by them.

Last but not the least, don't become against family therapy if things aren't working out they way you wanted. Some stepfamilies bond somewhat easily, while others take a long time going through ups and downs. Don't be anxious as there are no hard and fast rules to change everything. The relationship of stepparent and stepchildren is usually tough. The main thing that stepparents should keep in mind is to have patience and to never give up.